I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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