i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize