pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
