i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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