I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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