I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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