I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
