I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
