i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My breasts were aching with rage.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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