Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
