I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
