I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
