my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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