I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
