She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
