I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
