He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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