from now on my penis is your penis
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
