No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
