Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
