And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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