I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
