I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
