you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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