Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize