Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
