His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
