i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize