I can text with my tongue
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
