your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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