see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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