If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
