the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
