so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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