She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
