I'm lost and stupid without you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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