So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
