evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
