2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
