I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
