I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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