Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
