so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize