i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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