I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
