I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
