how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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