my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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