i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
