dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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