went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
