he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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