Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
