I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
