its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
