I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
