I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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