Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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