Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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