nut hugger
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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