the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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