i just had sex bonerless
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
