I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
