google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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