Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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