Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
