Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
