hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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