awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
