her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
