Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize