Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
