You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
