Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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