hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
