It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
