Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
