His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
