People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
